New beginnings 1.3

It seems as if I'm on the right track with wanting to take things slowly. It seems as if that's what I'm supposed to do. I have received the right thoughts and ideas in the right moments to know now what to do to not fall back to old patterns and act as if I'm worth less than the other person ! I seemed to put everyone always on a throne and completely forget what's good for myself. This time seems different, I have enough space and time to think things through, observe and analyze. I've enjoyed single life and it felt as if it just started to become normality when he came along. Life teased me but I'm not trying to let this feeling of freedom being taken away from me already. I can't let myself go through this again. I can't let myself down. Tomorrow I'll be back in the city and I've definitely anticipated being back in my familiar environment to continue healing and fixing.
For sure I will miss the sun and definitely the ocean, but I miss my friends and I'm looking forward to  partying again and just getting a normal schedule. Working out, eating normal and resting my head before school starts back ! 2017 has really been given me hell and heaven so far, but as we all know, light drives away darkness ! I'm ready to start this new chapter. I'm ready to finally getting treated and also treat myself the way I deserve to be treated! Shit, I'm seriously ready to finally finally finally be myself again without doubt, without fear and without regrets !

New beginnings 1.2

Going far away right after you meet your person truly sucks, you don't know where you stand yet, you don't have that person figured out in a way where you feel safe. Past experiences are burned in your heart and brain that you see every little thing as a warning sign. Truth is, things are going so fast or lets say they would go so fast if we could let it go it's course but god seemed to intend it otherwise and stopped it, let us suffer for a bit, let lust and loneliness build up. I feel as if I'm dying, I feel as if I'm losing him already. 5 more days until I get to have a complete weekend. I'm just praying that he won't get tired of me til then, praying that he won't forget that great, breathtaking evening we had when we met. I'm crazy about him and someday I will hopefully get to show him exactly that !

New beginnings

new beginnings have something magical, something crazy exciting that's simply indescribable.
For people like me, who are looking at life as if it's either perfect or a complete mess, new beginnings  are both. A crazy adventure where I block out every little fault and the crazy fears that creep into my head when I lay down to sleep at night.
It feel as if I have waited for a person like this to come around my whole life,  it feels as if up to this point life only prepared me to be who I am right now to meet this one person everyone talks about.
But then those thoughts that I just wish I could stop running through my head ! What if he has not the same intentions, what if I'm being played while falling madly in love and what if this person because of exactly those thoughts, leaves me alone before it actually started. I am so scared at this very moment that I just wanna scream and cry and hit on the walls in this room. Sometimes it would come in quite handy to be able to read people's minds. What I'm truly scared of is that I'm falling for lies. I've been packed in sugar and I want to believe the words he says. Deep down in my heart I just feel as if I need to be aware just because I've heard otherwise, just because people have seen and talked about me the exact opposite of how he talks to me. He seems so good to me, he seems better to me than I am to myself and it scares me to death. I mean I'm writing this nonsense while trying to sleep. I'm freaking scared to lose him even though it didn't even start fully yet.