Dear Future,
Tonight I am especially lonely.
After over 4 years of having someone who you know thinks of you for sure, who you know, tells you you're loved, tonight is the night where I really feel as if it's over, over for good.
This feeling I am having right now is hard to put in words but if there was a word that's a mix between fear, grief, excitement and hopelessness, then that would be it.
I am so scared, after such a long time a relationship becomes part of your identity and without it, there's definitely a feeling of being completely lost !
Who am I now ? The one thing that stood out about me was always my relationship! What is now gonna be striking and unmissable characteristic that people will remember me by ?
Questions and more questions, my mind is going nuts while my body just wants rest !
My heart tells me it's alright while my head tells me that it's all my fault, as well as that I did my very best!
I am thankful ! I was truly blessed to have been with someone, experience my first long relationship with a person, who truly loved and believed in me. Someone who set the standards for the next person really high just because of how madly he did love me. I am so grateful to have found an forever friend that I never thought I would meet ! But what's next ?
I don't know but I hope that there is something coming after all !
I am praying that this time is gonna be the right time !
Praying for someone who brings out my strengths and helps me build myself and future, someone who holds me at night when I have breakdowns and someone that I can hold as well!
I am praying for a person who looks at me and sees every little bit of potential and helps me embrace it all ! Someone who brings out the fire that I lost along the way and that laughs about the jokes only I laugh about !
I am praying for someone with goals, but also someone who is able to open up with their biggest secrets and fears to me !
Reading this probably makes y'all think I'm crazy, a person so perfect prob doesn't even exist, but I believe it. I believe that there is just the right person out there for me, waiting patiently to meet me someonewhere along the way !
But for now I am hurt, I am hurt and definitely not ready or willing to even go out and talk to anyone.
Loneliness is probably the worst feeling on this planet but I want to embrace it and give myself time to heal and grief.
I know at some point I will be able to do all the things I wanna do.
I will dance.
I will laugh.
I will learn all languages possible.
I will meet even more new people who will inspire me and help me move on.
But for now there's only me. At this moment I have to learn to be enough for myself and not worry about being enough for someone else too!
Summer, watch out !
