The next step

My last official day of school was March 27,2015. Mentally, my school-life ended July 4, 2015, about three weeks ago.
The chaos of feelings I went through these past two years are impossible to describe nor to explain.
Now I'm here after 13 years of school and I think back to my very first day of school.
I still remember the bookbag with penguins that my mom got me and the black velvet dress I wore that day. I was ready back then.
Throughout all these years I met many people I loved, many I hated but they all together made me the person I am today, which I am thankful for .
So shoutout to all of you that never liked me, shoutout to the people, who showed me love to the max and to the ones I was never able to be friends with or vice versa.
When I think back, I notice that I was very lucky.
Never once was I alone, I may have felt alone often, very often, but I never was. My family never stopped having my back and I know they were always proud of me no matter the circumstances.
Growing up being an only child with a single mother, I was forced to grow up fast and be independent, while other children my age did not have to worry about a thing in the world.
Still, my mom always managed to give me endless opportunities and chances to have the best education, which shows in me graduating in the best form : the Abitur.
I can't imagine never going back to school anymore. It just feels like a really long summerbreak.
There is so much ahead of me and I dont even know where to start.
I applied for two colleges, but I dont think I will be able to start this year. Constantly working is the perfect distraction and prevents me to feel the fear about the future.
It always seems as if I have everything under control, when I actually just live day by day and just wait and see when the next door opens for me.
I keep running around to help my mom and to organize things for my appartement.

At the same time, I plan the arrival from Danny, who plans to move in with me. After 2 and a half years of having a long distance relationship, thats a huge change, which also scares me.
Im overly excited but everything will be new and I am not good with new. It takes me long to get adjusted to new things and to feel safe with them. It also is a big commitment.
But as I experienced before, all the support from my friends and family will get me through this. They wont leave my side and I will just take it as a new challenge and chance for me to grow.